Coping with Memories of Abuse

I don’t remember a lot of my past, but I have been coping with a few memories of abuse for a long time. As a teenager, I talked with a neighbor, took a real risk, and told her I was terrified that I would end up just like my mother; who was manipulative, controlling, abusive, and a liar. She told me to focus on becoming more like Jesus; thus getting the focus off mother. That advice and the grace of God have made me who I am today. I am so thankful. I am NOT my mother.

Focus on Jesus. Become like him. That’s what she told me, that’s what I decided to do. There were times when my natural reaction would have been abusive to my children. The difference was that I knew it was wrong, confessed it as sin and asked them to forgive me. I also asked God to show me how to treat them in a loving, respectful way. Then I realized that my reactions were learned by my upbringing, that they were not ME. So coping with memories of abuse caused me to seek out God and look to him for help.

God never uses guilt to motivate us! WOW! When I first heard that it revolutionized my life. My mother used guilt to get me to do what she wanted me to do. But, focusing on Jesus allowed me to not only see the truth, but gave me the strength to say ‘I have done nothing wrong, I do not need to feel guilty!’ Since Jesus doesn’t use guilt, I will not either. When my younger son was asked if I was a controlling mom, he responded by saying, ‘let’s just say she is NOT her mother!’ No greater compliment could he have given me. Could it be that coping with memories of abuse made me a better person?